you told me that you are nothing
and I said
whoever told you that was wrong, because you are not.
you responded that it was the voice inside your head
the one that nags at you constantly,
change this, fix that.
but that voice is a liar. that voice wants you to feel weak
so that it can rise above you.
it tells you that you've done wrong. you've hurt.
but let me tell you
that no matter what you have done, whoever you have wronged,
there is always someone that is big enough to forgive,
always someone that will accept you unconditionally.
I heard someone once say that you are not your pain,
and I think to myself how true that is.
the pain you feel is not a reflection of who you really are,
but of those around you.
and there is someone that will take that pain away,
someone that will tell you that you are perfect
and they will always mean it.

you will find
that even through this suffering or pain
that something has to give.
something will, and you are going to be free
and you will wonder what ever was holding you back.

and there is someone out there
he will find you.
maybe you have to wait,
maybe you have to search.
but your time will come and he will come
and you will wonder what you saw in anyone else.

you just have to be patient for now,
but soon everything will be here for you.
you will be what you want,
everything will happen the way it is supposed to.
fear nothing, because nothing is worth fearing.

when skies are gray...

you have become my sunshine.
i discovered you,
like a gem hidden under a pile of rubble.
it could be dark all around me
but when i turn to you i will see everything clear as day,
and i am no longer afraid.
you are the light at the end of the tunnel,
the colors of the sky when the sun meets the horizon.
you are the shapes the stars make
and you give reason.

i want to give up and i want to hold on
i want to be right, i want to prove myself wrong
tell me i'm the one, tell me i'm so far gone
be on my side, say i'm out of my mind

take my hand or cast me away,
love me right or be too afraid
run away, please just stay
love me well or be too afraid

make sure i fall, then pick me back up
say what you want but don't try hard enough
you're not my kind, you're exactly my type
i never think about you, you're always on my mind

follow me or lead me astray
love me whole or be too afraid
be my conscious, tell me the way
love me outright or be too afraid

yar-har, yar-har.

           You are the captain of this ship. You know exactly what to do when the waters are rough, and then you steer us in the direction of calmer seas. I once drilled a hole in the bottom of our ship, and it sank. I tried to patch it up again and I did so with duct tape. But a new first mate came along and replaced it with wood. He would handle this ship better than I.

            I found that I was stranded out at sea so I swam to a lonely island. I went out searching every day for your ship, but I could never find it. I found a ship that looked a lot like yours, but I tore that one to pieces.

            I decided that I would become first mate of your ship, once I found it again. Still I was lost. I saw other ships but I knew that they were not yours. They lacked the class that yours carried and the control and supremacy the ship was made from. Your ship was powerful—not because of the way it was built but because you were in control. You were the captain.

            Once I finally found you, your ship was crumbling. You were unhappy with your first mate because he did not know what he was doing. He had robbed you of your confidence. The ship had lost its specialty, its distinction between common and rare. The one time you needed saving, I was going to be there.

            I bought you a new ship, one made of steel so it would not sink. One I couldn’t drill a hole in. This ship is unsinkable. Sometimes the water is rough but it will not sink. It is because you are the captain of this ship, and I am your first mate. Together we will keep this ship afloat.

trapped.

i am trapped by these four metal walls
theres nowhere to run and i cant get home
no way in and even less ways out
but my demons have found me and i am surrounded now

i tried to break the bonds so i could be free
i tried to silence the rest so i could sing
i tried to tear new holes so i could fit through
i tried to make it me so it wouldnt be you

i couldnt get up when i fell down
i needed help so i looked around
but no one extends their arm after taking a hit
no one washes the feet of the hypocrite

i cleansed myself so i could feel new
i begged for forgiveness for all that i do
but in the end corruption still reigns
at the end of the day people dont change

thank god it was me and it wasnt you
you are so pure, you are so new
so much better than i, you tell the truth
replace the one who is prone to lose.

it does get better.

you've waited a long time for something to come.

but still the feeling inside tells you that you can't be free.

look alive, hold your head high.

something good will happen.

things are going to change.

you've waited a long time for the sun.
but the clouds have been hiding your view for so long.
keeping looking up, it's going to come.

they can't stay forever that way.

you've waited a long time to stop running.
what are you running from? nothing is chasing you.
just try to stay put, and i promise no harm will come.

you don't always have to leave.

you've waited a long time to let everything go.
what are you waiting for? life doesn't stop.
things will get better if you let them.
it's life, and it gets better.

waiting to cave.

and who are you,

exactly,

going around and ripping the fabric of peoples lives?

you cannot fix it,

you are not God.

you cannot sew it,

you have no thread.

look at you,

you cant even fix your own life,

much less keep control of it.

but of course, it would be much easier to make people just as miserable as you

than to sit around and wait for things to cave in.

because once they do, you wont be able to rebuild it.

you are not an architect,

not even a builder.

you are the reckless car that crashes into the innocent civilian.

but you are not a doctor.

lessons from life.

people change.

relationships die,

souls take the hit.

you can roll with the punches

or you can choose not to,

but life moves on with or without you.

people lie

people sacrifice others

people do anything to avoid confrontation.

you could shrug it off

or you could let it affect you.

regardless,

life will go on.

time doesn't stop for anyone.

it doesn't really matter where you've been

or where you want to go.

time has no sense of remorse,

or compassion,

or sympathy.

lessons from life:

there are things you cannot change,

and there are things that you can; things that cannot control you.

if you let something possess you,

then life will pass you by.

within a minute, it could be gone.

do not be controlled.

hi bro :)

hi bro. you is speshul!

just so you know.

cause you told me to prove it, so i am.

YOU SOOPER SPESHUL, BRO.

SEE, I NOT EVEN CALL YOU BRAH.

OR BREH.

BELIEVE ME NOW?

anyway. i tells you now.

^^^^^

good?

i hope so.

now you can reads every time you feels unspeshul.

and knows you speshul.

:) <3333

empty.

i feel alone.

then again, how could i not with you around?

you make me feel as if my whole life has already passed by

and i have missed all opportunities presented,

just ending up by myself.

why should i need to feel like this?

i have so much ahead,

but you leave me feeling as if i had so little.

as long as you are around,

i will feel this way.

just empty.

but don't worry about me,

i'll be fine.

i'll fill up some way or another.

much more.

i would tell you what's on my mind,

but nothing new is there.

what could i tell you that you don't already know?
you have much more than i.

you have dreams bigger than mine,

places to go that are farther than mine.

you have much more than i.

i sit here and struggle for words to say,

words that i might never find because they are hidden.

while you articulate with grace,

you never need to search for words because the words are waiting for you.

you never need to search for anything.

life is waiting for you,

you need not waste time pondering.

you see,

you have much more than i.

i will not just sit back and wait.

i refuse to be your second best.

i am your all, or i am your nothing at all.

shh. it's subtle.

you're not on my mind all the time.

but something about you feels right.

everyone else feels different.

i want to be next to you.

i want to be with you.

but at the same time, i don't.

maybe there's something about you and me

that just wouldn't work.

or maybe,

just maybe,

that exact same thing is the reason it would.

finding something to do.

i am afraid of separation
i cannot be far from you,
yet i am being dragged by my torn sleeves.

i am afraid of the dark.
i can only feel the tremors under my bed,
yet the street lamps are broken and the stars are fading.

so what am i to do,
when the lights are off and no one is home?
i am all alone.

i cower from the noise.
it hits me like a siren, loud and unfocused.
yet it will not stop, it crowds my ears.

i cower from your judgement.
it locks me up like a cage in the basement,
yet you have thrown away the key.

so what do i do now,
when your judgement is as loud
as the ringing in my ears?

musical puns.

i have looked for you.

but like a bad key change you're not necessary;

the sound of my name would be better without you.

maybe you have been placed in the wrong spot,

maybe you were an accidental.

or maybe you're just a bad sound

on top of the sticcato lives that you reside with.

i will keep watching out for you, so you don't mess me up.

i won't give you the chance.

x marks the spot.

you are not interested.

i am not what you need.

i am simply the distraction from reality.

i am the fine line between what you want,

and what you have.

i am the x marking the spot,

only standing on top of the treasure.

the map has led you here.

i am the sign you have made it,

but i am not what you have been searching for.

you will be able to settle for knowing where the treasure is for a while,

taking comfort that the x will always be there to help you find it again.

why are you only here when i don't need you?

why can't you listen to me when i do?

why have you never gone out of your way

to hear me out,

to let me share?

you have turned your back right when i needed you the most,

and have not shown your face since.

i'm getting tired of looking at the back of your head.

but it's all i see anymore,

when what i need is for you to just turn around and face me.

i am not connected.

here is my hand,

it is empty.

i have reached out for you many times,

only for it to return lonely again.

here is my mind,

it is racing.

it will not stop thinking of you.

my feet,

they have tried to dance

but will not follow along to the beat of my heart.

and my heart,

it will not listen to the pleas of my mind.

you see,

i am not connected.

not my feet to my heart,

my heart to my mind,

my hands to you.

i am not connected.