hi bro :)

hi bro. you is speshul!

just so you know.

cause you told me to prove it, so i am.

YOU SOOPER SPESHUL, BRO.

SEE, I NOT EVEN CALL YOU BRAH.

OR BREH.

BELIEVE ME NOW?

anyway. i tells you now.

^^^^^

good?

i hope so.

now you can reads every time you feels unspeshul.

and knows you speshul.

:) <3333

empty.

i feel alone.

then again, how could i not with you around?

you make me feel as if my whole life has already passed by

and i have missed all opportunities presented,

just ending up by myself.

why should i need to feel like this?

i have so much ahead,

but you leave me feeling as if i had so little.

as long as you are around,

i will feel this way.

just empty.

but don't worry about me,

i'll be fine.

i'll fill up some way or another.

much more.

i would tell you what's on my mind,

but nothing new is there.

what could i tell you that you don't already know?
you have much more than i.

you have dreams bigger than mine,

places to go that are farther than mine.

you have much more than i.

i sit here and struggle for words to say,

words that i might never find because they are hidden.

while you articulate with grace,

you never need to search for words because the words are waiting for you.

you never need to search for anything.

life is waiting for you,

you need not waste time pondering.

you see,

you have much more than i.

i will not just sit back and wait.

i refuse to be your second best.

i am your all, or i am your nothing at all.

shh. it's subtle.

you're not on my mind all the time.

but something about you feels right.

everyone else feels different.

i want to be next to you.

i want to be with you.

but at the same time, i don't.

maybe there's something about you and me

that just wouldn't work.

or maybe,

just maybe,

that exact same thing is the reason it would.

finding something to do.

i am afraid of separation
i cannot be far from you,
yet i am being dragged by my torn sleeves.

i am afraid of the dark.
i can only feel the tremors under my bed,
yet the street lamps are broken and the stars are fading.

so what am i to do,
when the lights are off and no one is home?
i am all alone.

i cower from the noise.
it hits me like a siren, loud and unfocused.
yet it will not stop, it crowds my ears.

i cower from your judgement.
it locks me up like a cage in the basement,
yet you have thrown away the key.

so what do i do now,
when your judgement is as loud
as the ringing in my ears?

musical puns.

i have looked for you.

but like a bad key change you're not necessary;

the sound of my name would be better without you.

maybe you have been placed in the wrong spot,

maybe you were an accidental.

or maybe you're just a bad sound

on top of the sticcato lives that you reside with.

i will keep watching out for you, so you don't mess me up.

i won't give you the chance.

x marks the spot.

you are not interested.

i am not what you need.

i am simply the distraction from reality.

i am the fine line between what you want,

and what you have.

i am the x marking the spot,

only standing on top of the treasure.

the map has led you here.

i am the sign you have made it,

but i am not what you have been searching for.

you will be able to settle for knowing where the treasure is for a while,

taking comfort that the x will always be there to help you find it again.

why are you only here when i don't need you?

why can't you listen to me when i do?

why have you never gone out of your way

to hear me out,

to let me share?

you have turned your back right when i needed you the most,

and have not shown your face since.

i'm getting tired of looking at the back of your head.

but it's all i see anymore,

when what i need is for you to just turn around and face me.

i am not connected.

here is my hand,

it is empty.

i have reached out for you many times,

only for it to return lonely again.

here is my mind,

it is racing.

it will not stop thinking of you.

my feet,

they have tried to dance

but will not follow along to the beat of my heart.

and my heart,

it will not listen to the pleas of my mind.

you see,

i am not connected.

not my feet to my heart,

my heart to my mind,

my hands to you.

i am not connected.

what i could do.

i could have given up on you,

i could have let you go

but i refuse to live without you.

i could let you fall,

i could have let you run away

but i refuse to let you go.

i could have spread my wings,

i could have flown away

but i refuse to leave without you.

i could be on top of a mountain,

i could be down in a valley

but i refuse to be there without you.

i could let you go,

i could give you up.

but i refuse to live without you.

let's make an agreement.

i would start a rainstorm,

i would fill an ocean.

i would flood the universe,

that will show you something.

i'd miss you the right way.

the way you can't explain.

maybe enough to fill a black hole,

or a way that words cant say.

there goes all the pieces,

you can't find them all.

scattered into a different dimension

an infinite amount.

you cant come any closer.

you cant go any higher.

and if you said you could,

then you would be a liar.

hey.

just don't go, ok?

together.

i wish i could touch your hand and take in your pain,

help you lift the load off your shoulders.

i wish you would show me your face,

so i could tell you i know you're not fine, and not be lying.

i wish that i could tell you that you're too far up,

so you could come back down.

i wish i could reach inside of you and place a light in your soul,

so you can know exactly where to go.

i wish i had a vacuum to rid you of the cloud over your head,

so you can be dry again.

is it better for you to live in pain

or go through more pain to get rid of it?

is it better for you to go down alone,

or to cling to another and risk bringing them down to come back up?

because if you're going down, then i'm coming with you.

and we'll go down together.

it's been a while...

nobody is trying to fight you.
we have not run away from you,
we have not left you.
if you would open your eyes you'd see.
you have run away, you have abandoned us.
you fought until you were too weak to fight anymore.
we have always been here.
once you come back to earth you will understand
just how much you need us.

i know theres something out there.

i just havent found it yet.

just like me.

I want to save you cause you're just like me.
youre losing control already
before you were strong and steady
and now you're just like me.

I want to help you cause you think like I do.
before you could do it yourself
now you always need help
you're only thinking like me.

I want to catch you cause you're falling like I did
you kept a steady pace
We all thought you were safe
but now you just fell like I did.

I want to save you cause you're just like me
I don't want you to see what I see
I want to help you
I want to catch you
I just want to save you.

lie to me, and i will not trust you.
but look me in the eye, and i will believe you.
push me away, and i will let go.
but keep me close, and i will stay.
hold me down, and i will fight you.
but let me be free, and i will not go too far.
cover your ears, and i will yell at you.
but listen to me, and i will speak softly.
tell me i am useless, and i will fade.
but tell me i am worth it, and i will shine.
leave me, and i will not come look for you.
but stay with me, and i will never leave you.

fix me, because i do not know how to.

tell me who to be, because i dont know.
tell me what to say, because im afraid to mess up.
help me, i have taken a wrong turn.
tell me when i have made a mistake.
let me know when i am wrong.
help me speak, because i want to talk to you.
help me listen, because i want to hear you.
help me write down these words, because i want it to be powerful.
catch me when i fall, because i have scraped my knee before.
i want to mean something,
i want to be happy.
i want to be like you.

empty lines.

ive got no inspiration anymore.
times come and go when i can make something good out of nothing.
a blank white page,
staring up at me,
its empty lines a reminder that i have nothing to fill it with,
like your empty eyes.
i dont have anything to give you.
you should know that, above anything else.
all ive got is this remainder of a heart, and its not much.
not enough for someone like you,
someone with a full heart, ready to give it away.
i am not what you need.
you deserve more.
its ok.
consider me the odd one out.

unfinished. lost train of thought.

you say youve come cause you wanna be heard
then why havent you said a single word?
you say all you want is to just be alive
how have you not drowned in your ocean of lies?

how can you look in the mirror and say that youve changed
when we can look in you face and know youre the same?
we're tired of throwing the rope out to you
when all you do is pull us in too

population: you.

theres no sense in moderation
if youre still staying the same
and theres no use in pointing the finger
cause you know that youre to blame

you dragged me around, you pulled me down
this never ending hole
now the only thing i can do is laugh
because you have nowhere else to go.

youre a liar youre a coward
how can you live with yourself
youre a cheater youre a runner
oh how can you live with yourself

tell me where is your safe haven,
well who do you run to now
who's on your side, who will fight for you
who's gonna carry the tons of baggage
you always have in tow?

i hope youre happy with yourself
welcome to your personal hell.

how does it feel to know
that youre whats holding us down
we carry the weight of our potential smiles
simply dressed for the night as a frown

and how does it feel to know
youve taken our lives away
you moderate our every move
as if we're too weak to play

you dont know our game
you dont understand our minds
its safer for you to stay out of our way
rather than try to program our lives

do you know that you are not strong enough
and do you know that you cant amount to much
youre stuck in this mess, a rut, a hole
our happiness is something that you cant control

i like you.

that is all.

dont you tell me who to be
and how to be it.
dont you tell me what to do,
or what to say.
dont make my decisions for me.
i am my own person,
you are not part of me.
i am me.
you are you.
dont you ever tell me that you know what i want,
because you dont.
i am different,
you need to accept that.

because i am.

catch me, because i am falling.
hold me, because i am shaking.
comfort me, because i am crying.
include me, because i am not like you.
talk to me, because i am misunderstood.
speak softly, because i am scared.
tell me why, because i am confused.
give me shelter, because i am cold.
let me sleep, because i am tired.
accept me, because i am different now.
make me smile, because i am sad.
love me, because i am alone.

too many questions for one night.

why should i feel bad for wanting something more?
who says that its so wrong to just want to be happy
isnt the pain worth the risk sometimes?
isnt there something that says the ends justify the means?
doesnt your overall lifetime of happiness mean more than a little bit of hurt?
what have you ever got to lose?
why not give it a shot, whats the worst that can happen besides rejection?
life can be good if you just give it a shot.

oh, isnt it so easy to lie to yourself?

interpret as you wish

youre my candle in the dark
youre my one hope when life gets hard
you bring me back when i go too far
i dont need to look, i know where you are

you are the one standing next to me
the only one who sees what i see
you know where i come from and you know where ive been
youre the only one that i believe in.

you are the strength that i hold on to
you show me things that i never knew
when i am lost you know what to do
i can see your faith when i look at you.

thats all for now...i cant think of anything else.